Twilight Goes Amanda!
by Cullens4everandever
Summary: I took some of the skits from the Amanda Show and made parodies of them with Twilight characters! Probably will bea two or three shot.
1. Chapter 1 Stranded

**A/n- I needed some fun in my life so I decided to write something to make me laughA/n- I needed some fun in my life so I decided to write something to make me laugh. Just some different Amanda Show skits that I forced the Twilight characters into. Woo!**

**Stranded**

Voiceover: We zoom in on a car in the middle of a parking lot. It's a nice car. A nice red, convertible, the kind I bought once and my wife thought I was having a midlife crisis. That's not important. We have trapped five people in this vehicle. Emmett Cullen, Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, Jacob Black, and Mike Newton. In the trunk there is 1,000,000 dollars.

As the disembodied voice spoke everyone in the car looked around, bewildered, trying to find the source. As the voice spoke each of their names the camera zoomed in on different people.

Bella: How does it know our names?

She whispered to Edward, sitting next to her in the driver's seat. He shrugged, looking bad tempered.

Voice: To get the money they must be the last one still in the car. This is: STRANDED.

Everyone looked around once again, looked perplexed.

Edward: Why are we even here? We don't need the money.

Edward asked Emmett who shrugged.

Emmett: It looked like fun.

Mike: -cowers in fear of the freakishly muscled man next to him.-

Mike whimpers as Emmett leers at him.

Jacob: I'm bored.

Everyone looked around aimlessly for a while until Bella got thirsty.

Bella: Oh Miiikkkeee…

She drawled, turning to him and fluttering her eyelashes.

Mike: -gulp- Yeah Bella?

Bella: you see that soda machine way over there?

She points across the barren parking lot to the lone machine. Mike nods.

Bella: I'm soo thirsty and I would love it if you went and got me a soda.

Mike was only too eager to help, but paused.

Mike: Aren't we not supposed to get out of the car?

Everyone: Oh, no, we're allowed, we all get one free pass, it's okay.

Mike: Oh! Okay then.

Mike hops out of the car and is immediately grabbed by two bailiffs and escorted away.

Mike: But the pass! They said it was okay!

Everyone watches him go with blank faces.

Voice: One down, four left.

Jacob: Seriously! Who is that?

**Day two**

Jacob: -groooan- I'm so hungry.

Bella: I am too.

Emmett: Maybe we can eat Bella.

Edward lunges at Emmett for even suggesting it and they engage in a wrestling match in the back seat. Jacob climbs up front with Bella to get away from the fight.

**Day four**

Various pieces of car are missing and Bella and Jacob are seen munching on them.

Bella: It's a good thing it rained or I'd be dead from dehydration right now.

Emmett and Edward are slouching at opposite ends of the backseat. Emmett is missing an arm.

Jacob: I'm still hungry.

**Day eight**

Jacob: Still hungry.

**Day ten**

Everyone is sprawled out in their seats, starving and bored.

Jacob: I'm hungry.

Edward: YES! We know you're hungry! Now shut up!

Everyone sits still until Edward lunges at Emmett and forcefully chucks him out of the car. Two bailiffs come and try to escort him away. Emmett eats them both and runs away laughing evilly.

Bella: Why did you do that?

Edward: He was pining for Rosalie.

Jacob and Bella: Ahhh…

Voice: Now that there are three left, one of them must be voted off by the others.

Everyone looks around once again for the voice, but shrugs and write down their votes.

Bella: Jacob.

Edward: Jacob.

Jacob: Food.

Two new bailiffs come and grab Jacob and drag him away.

Voice: Now there are just two left. Who will win?

Bella: WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM?

**Day twenty-one**

Bella is laying on her stomach in the back seat, chewing on part of the cushion, and Edward is in the front seat, concentrating on not eating her.

Bella: Edward?

Edward: Yeah?

Bella: Are the keys in the ignition?

Edward: Yup.

Long pause.

Bella: Want to get out of here?

Edward: Yup.

Bella: You thinking what I'm thinking?

Edward: I don't know. I think I might be.

Bella: -sigh- I was thinking Vegas.

Edward: Oh! Me too!

Bella jumps into the front seat and Edward floors it. The bailiffs come running and try to chase them but they're not fast enough.

Voice: What? No! You're not supposed to do that! Come back here! We're in the middle of a show! Come back!

Edward and Bella: SERIOUSLY!! WHERE'S THAT VOICE COMING FROM!!

**A/N- eh, I've done better. I think this will be a two or three shot with different skits from the Amanda show. Woo!**

**Please review!**

**--Cullens4everandever**


	2. Chapter 2 Judge Emmett

**A/N- Just some more craziness. I'm taking a well deserved break from serious stories.**

**Judge Emmett**

Jacob came into the large courtroom wearing a bailiff outfit.

"Everybody rise." He said in a commanding tone. Everyone rose in unison for a moment until Emmett came in, wearing a black rob and a white powdered wig.

"Sit sit sit sit sit." He said, waving a hand as he climbed up to his podium. "Bring in the defendant and plaintiff."

Aro, Caius, and Marcus all came in, looking annoyed. Well, actually, Marcus just looked bored. But that's beside the point.

Aro went to the plaintiff side and Caius and Marcus took their places on the defendant side.

"What has the accused done?" Judge Emmett asked.

"They said I'm too annoying!" Aro cried, pointing an accusing finger at his cohorts. The crowd booed loudly and threw old fruit at them.

"Judge! They're throwing fruit at us! Isn't there something you can do?" Caius asked as a particularly squishy kumquat hit him in the side of the head.

"You're right." Emmett said. "Audience! You know better than that! Only throw corn flakes and mashed potatoes!" The audience reached under their benches and pulled out the provided foods and threw them at the defendants until they were coated in cereal. "Much better." Emmett said as they finished. "Now then. Defendants? What do you say?"

"He is annoying! You try living with him for millenniums! See if you don't find him overly perky and enthusiastic!" Caius said angrily.

"That's no excuse! I find you guilty!" Emmett cried. Caius looked shocked. Marcus still looked bored.

"What kind of court is this?" he asked in outrage.

"It's people's court! Now shut up before I hold you in contempt!" Emmett said threateningly. "Now then. I sentence you to build a snowman! And pretend that he's a circus clown! You will have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman! Until the other kiddies knock him down. But don't eat them." Marcus's eye twitched but he said nothing. "Take them away bailiff." Jacob came forward and dragged them away, Aro trailing behind them.

"Next!"

Edward and Mike came in, both looking angry. Edward went to the defendant side and Mike to the plaintiff. Emmett looked interested now.

"What'd Edward do?" he asked.

"He tried to eat me." Mike said, sounding slightly fearful and mad.

"Only because he tried to lick Bella!" he said, angry too. Everyone in the audience paused in their booing and derogatory cries to stare at Mike in silence.

"What?" he asked. "She looked really tasty!"

"You sound like Edward!" Emmett scoffed. Everyone stared at him blankly then and he glared at the spectators until they stared at the ceiling or their shoes and whistled softly. "Whatever. I sentence Edward to be locked in an empty room for a week where it plays constant Backstreet Boys music and Mike must have a wiener dog strapped to his chest for a month. He must go to the mall once a week and introduce the dog to random people as Mr. Biggles. You must then squirt these people with butter and run away." Emmett said as Edward and Mike both stared at him in shock.

"C'mon Emmett!" Edward grumbled. "I didn't even get a chance to eat him!"

"I wasn't even the defendant! What'd I do?" Mike asked, looking as if to cry.

"You? You're a creepy pedophile that goes around licking innocent unsuspecting girls!" Emmett said as Jacob forcefully dragged both of them out. "Next!'

Alice and Carlisle came in next, Alice looking annoyed and Carlisle seeming bemused. Alice moved to the plaintiff side and Carlisle to the defendant side.

"What's you case Al?" Emmett asked, leaning back in his squishy leather chair.

"He grounded me for maxing out the credit cards!" she said, pointing an accusing finger at her surrogate father. Carlisle rolled his eyes, exasperated. Emmett mock gasped and held a hand over his mouth. The audience pulled out the complimentary pudding cups and popcorn and began throwing it at Carlisle.

"You did what?" Emmett asked in shock.

"She has an addiction to shopping! I had to do something about it!" Carlisle groaned as he dodged the buttery flying projectiles and chocolate goo. "Did we really need to take this to court?" he asked Alice. She stuck her tongue out at him and nodded.

"For something as serious as grounding of course she had to take you court!" Emmett explained. "Now I believe we've heard enough. I sentence you to work in a chocolate fruit loop mine for a month!"

"What? There's no such thing! EMMETT!" he screamed as Jacob dragged him too out the door to his punishment.

"I think that's enough justice for one day." Emmett said, throwing off his powdered wig. "BRING OUT THE DANCING LOBSTERS!" Jacob opened the door once again and some dudes dressed in lobsters came in. Music started out of nowhere and everyone got up and started a dance party in the courtroom. It was fun.

**A/N- still not my best work but I liked Mike's sentence! I'll resume work on actual stories as soon as I finish working on all the little ideas that accumulate that I never have time for.**

**--Cullens4everandever**


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